Francespeak by Fance Misa
I asked a friend of mine how he classifies his friends. Does he classify them according to the school where he came from? Or the length of time they spent together? How are friends divided into groups? I wanted to know how it is with other people.
Well, he told me that he has these imaginary boxes with labels on the different categories of his friends. He did not have a lot of boxes though, he only had the following: “Friends to die for,” “Friends only when they need something from you” & “Friends who will fight for you no Matter what.”
He had categorized his friends and placed them accordingly in each box. But as time passed by, he noticed that his relationship with each buddy has changed. Some for the best and the saddest part is, most of them, for the worst.
I went to six schools; I could say I am a person who has lots of friends. I guess that’s the advantage of having so many schoolmates. Making new acquaintances was an easy mission, because that is one thing I enjoy doing.
And I believe that there are so many things to learn from others and even without knowing it, I know in my own little way, I am able to reciprocate that or give something in return.
I thought, as I grew older there will be more new friends, just like adding wisdom as I learn while I go through the process of growing up.
We all end up having our own lives and become very busy to even find time in getting together. That is why we drift apart as time goes by. That is why we normally find a partner who will be our companion forever. There are times when some of our best friends from high school or college are still around or a close colleague from work, depending on each others availability and how good we are in keeping in touch.
Knowing how to classify friends helped me accept the loss. I stopped asking myself if where I went wrong but to continue to do what is right. Because the tendency is to feel bad, that is normal, but if I chose to dwell on the hurt that was caused by my so-called best friend, then I will just end up fighting back or simply become someone I am not – a vindictive person.
I have four boxes, “B-E-S-T,” B=Best of the best, E=Equal (the type of friends who will give you what you give them. S=So-so (acquaintances, no expectations, new), T=Too bad (not worth keeping, too bad they are not my friends anymore. can live without them, throw out).
Friends who hurt me are taken out from the top box (“B”) and moved down to the bottom box labeled “T.” Knowing recent experiences with them have made me aware of their true color and capabilities. On the brighter side, those in the “S” box can one day earn their place and go up to the “B” box.
Remember, people change. Even though they were your friends for twenty plus years, shared dark secrets, went through hard times together, trusted them with your life, made them godparents of your children, childhood friends, some turned to be more blessed etc… it does not mean they will not be a traitor, it does not mean they can’t stab you from behind, steal from you, cheat you, fool you, manipulate, take advantage, envy, try to destroy you etc… they are only human and they can do that to you and me. They were able to do it because we trusted them and they took advantage of that. That is all right, but once is enough. They will continue to try to take advantage of you… if you let them.
It will sting, hurt, and leave you paralyzed for a while. A traumatic experience, it will leave a mark, but it will heal in God’s time.
Thanks to them because we become stronger and smarter. And if you categorize them in the correct boxes from the start, then you’ll know how to deal with them. But what is important is to move on with our lives.
But it is only possible when we have forgiven and have lifted it all to Him. They are not our only friends, look around – they are just a text, an email or a call away.
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